50 Days Until Transfer!

50 days until FET!

I got my period last Tuesday and went in on Thursday for blood work and ultrasound in order to start BCP for our FET cycle. I have 5 complex cysts from the IVF cycle - 4 over 20mm and a 13mm. I have another ultrasound this Thursday to make sure they are going down in size.

I've been on BCP for 6 days and it's just as terrible as usual. Headache for days, cranky as all get out. I can't wait for this part of the process to be over.

I have to have another saline sonohystogram to make sure everything is still looking good down below, then ultrasound for lining/bloodwork on 1/16/17, ultrasound for lining on 1/28/16, and then FET on 2/8/17! The minimal monitoring is a nice change in pace. The less I have to wake up early and battle traffic across town and back the better!

I have a good feeling about this cycle :)

PGS Results

We found out we have three PGS normal embryos. 

When we found out we had seven day 5 blastocysts I was pretty disappointed that we didn't end up transferring. It seemed like wow, 7. I could be pregnant by now. But after getting our results stating three normals I'm glad we didn't transfer any. We would have had less than 50% chance of a healthy pregnancy. Three is a great number, I'm thrilled to have any, but I still feel slightly disappointed. Is that normal? I feel so guilty for being disappointed; I should be happy we have ANY normal considering we didn't have any make it last cycle. 

I should be getting my period in the next few days and then we'll be know more exactly when our transfer date will be - Some time in February for sure. 

Of course I wanted to move right from retrieval to transfer but honestly, I'm slightly relieved to have some time that we aren't doing anything. I've felt so not myself after all the IVF meds and recovering from the transfer. Not having control over by body is painful for me. I'm happy to have a month and a half to go to the gym and start feeling myself again before hopefully becoming pregnant. I've been very Veruca Salt for the last 2 years and now i'm glad for a break.

Embryo Update

We started with 11 eggs retrieved. 9 were fertilized with ICSI. 7 MADE IT BIOPSY AND FREEZE!! I can't express how many this makes me. Our first cycle we had 10 retrieved, 8 fertilized, 1 transferred (chemical) and zero frozen. I was absolutely NOT expecting 7 to make it to freezing! I was optimistically thinking 4 or 5 but panicky thinking none were going to make it. I'm so realized we made it this far. Of course we still have quite a few hurdles to leap. Next up: we have to wait aabout week for our PGS results to come back. Please please please let there be at least 1 normal. Please!

I may or may not have done this move at my desk at work. And then cried a bit.

I'm still feeling very bloated and it's really starting to get to me. I want to go run and lift weights and all those things but I know I'm still recovering and shouldn't do anything crazy right now. Just take it slow. Hopefully my (so freaking slow) 45 minutes walks will help me, mentally at least.
My boobs and nips are also still so sore!

Post Retrieval: Day 3

3 days post retrieval and things are still looking good. All 9 embryos are still growing well. The nurse said at Day 3 they expect them to be between 6 and 8 cells. We have 2 7-cell and 7 8-cell! While that makes me very happy to hear I'm still holding my breath.

We won't hear again until Wednesday or Thursday. Day 4 is a rest day where they don't check them at all and then day 5 and 6 they would expect embryos to make it to the blastocyst stage when they can be biopsied. We won't here back from our clinic until our entire case is closed: either the embryos made it to blastocyst and are biopsied (😁), or they've stopped growing (😓). It's going to be a loooong week.

Post Retrieval: Day 2

We got our second report post retrieval. All 9 are still growing. The nurse said they should be between 2 and 4 cells. We have 3 2-cell, 2 3-cell, and 4 4-cells.

This process of waiting for reports is nerve wracking. It's all completely out of our control. We keep looking ahead to February when we would do a frozen transfer and then I keep reminding myself it's IF we have any embryos make it to day 5. IF we have any embryos that survive the big freeze. IF we have any embryos that come back from PGS as normal. And there is absolutely nothing we can do at this point. For now I'm going to keep holding on to hope.

Recovery wise: I'm feeling better and better after the retrieval (And WAY better on this day 2 than last time!). I'm still a little crampy, uncomfortable, and bloated, but it's getting better. I lost 2 pounds since yesterday so soon I'll be closer to normal and I can work out in the next few days thank goodness! I miss the gym so much. It's my destress place and without it I don't know what to do!

Swole Cat

Fertilization Report

We got our fertilization report this morning:

11 Retrieved

10 Mature

9 Fertilized with ICSI

Now we just nervously make it through the next few days and:

Retrieval Day #2!!

We finally made it to our retrieval day!! Everything went smoothly and we got 11 eggs. I excited and of course nervous to get the call tomorrow of how many eggs were fertilized.

We decided to go ahead and do PGS on all and then do the transfer in January or February, depending on when my period shows up (fingers crossed for January transfer!). It will be nice not having the stress of TWW during the holidays. I can have a few drinks and eat carbs and enjoy myself.

My husband said I didn't cry this time and I didn't mumble anything weird like I did last time so I have that going for me. Walking is a little rough, but I feel fine when I'm laying down, which I plan to do the rest of the day, and probably tomorrow when I'm "working from home". I have a ton of gatorade and protein powder to get me through the next few days as well.

Our life during stims. Glad that part is over!

hahah maybe we need to try it this way instead

Monitoring Day

I had another monitoring appointment yesterday and the ultrasound showed Right - 19,18,13, 13, 11, 10 and Left - 20, 19, 17.5, 17.5, 17, 16, 14, 12, with estrodial at 1279 (so slow rising....hmmmm). My retrieval is set for Thursday at 11:30am so hopefully some of those smaller follicles catch up by then. The two ovidrels I took yesterday should give them a boost. I'm happy to get these little eggs out of me because wearing pants right now is a struggle! I'm also a ball of emotions.when I was at my blood draw appointment because the phleb was just so nice! She told me it took her 4 years of try and treatments before having her first son and now he's off to college in the Fall 😭 Hopefully that will be me in 18 years!

These ovaries, man

Stims Day 10

Today will be day 10 of stims and things are looking good. My estrogen is 954; progesterone is .9; lining is 11mm.

On my right (my slacker side) I have a 14, 12, 11, 2 <10, 3<8 and on the left 17,15, 15, 14, 14, 14, 12, 12. RE reduced my Gonal F to 150 from 225, low dose HCG is still 20 units, and still same dose of cetrotide. It looks like retrieval on Thursday may be the thing. I go back tomorrow morning so we'll see!!

I have discomfort walking, standing, sitting, driving. Basically always. So I can't wait to get these guys out!

For my husband's sake I hope this round works out or else I'm coming home with a cat.

Stims Day 7

Today is day 7 of stims, and my second update ultrasound for ivf Round 2. My estrogen is 362, over double what it was on day 7 last round which is great. I have 1 11mm follicle, 2 10s, a few that are almost 10s, and a few more that are smaller than that (I didn't have a pen or paper when the nurse called so I'm just winging it right now). RE is upping my low dose HCG from 10 to 20 units and I start cetrotide tonight to prevent ovulation. I go back in Monday morning for my next check.

Side Effects: Bloated, crampy, headaches.

Stims Day 5 Update

Happy Thanksgiving Infertility World!

When you don't know if the bloat is from too much food or fertility meds

I had an ultrasound and blood work on Wednesday (Stims Day 5) and things look ok. I had 10 follies less than 8mm on each side (up from 17 AFC on Saturday) and my estrogen was 118. During my first cycle at this same point in time I had 17 total, down from a AFC of 27 and my estrogen was 64. I'm definitely feeling bloated and crampy/twinges in my lady bits, and have been for a few days. Last cycle it wasn't until day 7 that I was like oh I think this may be working. So with my Google University medical degree my professional opinion is that things are looking a bit better this cycle. Tomorrow morning is another scan and blood work. I'm hoping for good news :)

Transfering 1 or 2

I keep thinking about the transfer for this cycle, whether we will transfer one or two embryos. With our first cycle my husband wanted to do two but we ended up only transferred one because I was so adamant about a singleton. The thought of having two babies at once was terrifying to me! I see how tired my friends are with one and think how can people raise two at once!?!?

As we get further and further into this process though twins doesn't seem so bad anymore. We've had a hard time getting pregnant with just one baby and I'm only 28, started this process at 26. If my egg quality isn't good at 28 why would it be any better at 30, 31, 32, whenever we try for a second (if this cycle even works out)? Having twins now would maybe make up for the fact I may not be able to get pregnant later in life. And that last thought, not having more kids, makes me more scared and sad than the extra weight and stretch marks, the potential health complications for me and babies, and the even less sleep I'd be getting, and the bigger disruption to life in general. So two embryos it is for IVF Round 2. If we even have that many normal embryos left after PGS.

Round 2: Start of Stims!

I had blood work and ultrasound on Saturday and was given the go ahead to start stims! For my AFC I have 10 on the left and 7 on the right, but some may have been blocked by my bladder (I didn't think I had to pee but the tech said OH WOW when she saw my bladder. oops.).

I'm on an antagonist cycle this time as opposed to long lupron: 225 iu Gonal F, 10 units low dose HCG, and a baby asprin for now (along with my array of supplements). I stopped BCP on Thursday and started bleeding on Sunday and had some cramps. I still have some cramping today and have no clue of it's the meds kicking super fast this time or just regular period cramps (I'm hoping it's the meds!!).

Our original plan for this cycle was to do a fresh transfer if possible while doing PGS on the rest of our embryos, but the more I think about it the more I'm thinking it will be better to just test all and do a frozen transfer. We'll have to discuss with the doc when we go in for retrieval.

In GOOD news, Thanksgiving is just a few days away!!!!!!! I'm trying to stick to a healthy, low carb diet as my RE recommended but not on Thursday!!!!

IVF Round 2: PGS Testing

Countdown: 9 more birth control pills. Stims in 11 days.

I just submitted our paperwork for PGS testing: Preimplantation genetic screening (PGS) for aneuploidy is a powerful genetic test that may be performed on embryos during IVF treatment to screen for numerical chromosomal abnormalities. PGS is performed on a small embryo biopsy prior to transfer and identifies which embryos are chromosomally normal. (Thanks random website)
Because our first cycle ended in a chemical pregnancy and our other 7 embryos didn't make it to freeze our RE has suggested PGS testing, which we are going to move forward with. Typically embryos are biopsied, frozen, and then a frozen embryo transfer (FET) is scheduled for after the testing is complete. 

In our case it would be two cycles after the retrieval, so retrieval in December, transfer in February. Our RE did give us the option of also doing a fresh transfer IF we have a good number of embryos. While the logical side of me know the benefits of PGS and doing an FET, my heart wants a fresh transfer so bad. I hate all the waiting and waiting and waiting and feeling like everyone else in the world is miles ahead of us and we're left behind in the dust. My hope is that we get a good number of embryos, can do a fresh transfer, send the rest for testing and freezing, get pregnant from the fresh transfer, and can then use the little frozen embryos a few years down the line for a second pregnancy. But I'm afraid of getting my hopes up! Of being crushed if we don't have many embryos and send them all for testing. Of being crushed if a fresh transfer ends in no pregnancy or chemical pregnancy.

 

Waiting some more

Good news: Because we had a failed cycle my RE gave us a discount on our next cycle. Total, we're saving about $2500 between RE discounts and the price different medications. Woohoo!!!!!

Annnnd now we keep on waiting. Last BCP in 12 days and stims start in 14.

The Lannisters Send Their Regards

CD2 and this is what it feels like.
 .
 .
 .
 .
But in good news stims for IVF cycle 2 are only 33 days away!
This period also marks 2 years of ttc. What a sad marker to remember. 

Is this thing on?

For anyone who actually follows or checks up on this blog: I'm sorry I haven't updated, but I don't have anything to update!! For December cycle stims start on November 19th so I'm just in a holding pattern right now.

I will go back on bcp whenever AF decides to show up (and don't you worry, I'll let you know all about that awesome, wonderful experience). So in the meantime here are some fun things for your viewing pleasure:

Just because it's cute

Same little owl. Same.

How I feel about my job.

My thoughts and feelings on Autumn and Halloween

We're Doing a December Cycle

We met with our RE last Wednesday to discuss our failed cycle and where we go from here. Since we ended up with a chemical pregnancy and the rest of our embryos arrested by day 6, and when adding in my elevated FSH it looks like egg quality is the most likely culprit of our infertility at this point.

We really wanted to go ahead and do another cycle right away but instead we are going to be waiting and doing a December cycle and in the meantime pumping myself full of supplements: Omega 3, L-Arginine, CoQ10, Vitamin E, and Vitamin C, in addition to my prenatal and Vitamin D I'm already taking. Hopefully these boost my egg quality because right now I'm 28 and have the reproductive system of a 40 year old.

This failed cycle and cycle push back has been really hard for me to take and to deal with. I think I'm doing good and then WHAM! Another pregnancy announcement. It's so hard to deal with infertility when everyone around you is getting pregnant with no problem. Especially when I've done nothing bad or wrong. I've never smoked, don't drink often, never been over weight, exercise regularly, eat fairly well. This whole thing sucks.

Moving On

The rumors are true. The period after a failed IVF/chemical pregnancy SUCKS! It was the heaviest flow and worst cramping I have ever had, and I typically have heavy flow and cramps. I woke up at 3:30am, 5:30am, and 7:30am soaking through super tampons (that was the heaviest I had with me on our vacation). If i had my leftover Tylenol with codine from after the retrieval I would have take it. I was curled up in a fetal position of the bathroom floor. Awful. Now, a few days later, this are feeling better. Still crampy but ok.

We want to move right on to another round of IVF so I had a CD4 ultrasound and blood work this morning. The tech said I had some complicated cysts on my ovaries, but that's normal to see after an IVF round. I got my BCP prescription as well as protocol with two timings, one for Sept and one for Oct. The nurse will call later today to discuss our options.

We also meet with our RE on Wednesday to discuss this past cycle and the future. If anyone has good questions to ask let me know!

I look back at what we've gone through and the 'milestones' we've reached. I never thought it would take more than 2-3 months to get pregnant. Never thought it would take over 6 months. Never thought it would take over a year. Never thought I would have to take clomid. Never thought I have to go to a fertility clinic. Never thought it would take more than one IUI. Or more than 3 IUIs. I never thought I would have to go through IVF. Never thought I would have a chemical pregnancny. And I definitely never thought I would have to go through two rounds of IVF. I used to be hopeful with each new things, saying this is going to be the thing that works for us. This is the thing that will get me pregnant. But now I'm not so sure. I feel less and less hopeful every month that passes.



What IVF feels like:

It Ends in a Chemical Pregnancy

IVF cycle 1 is a failure. My 2nd beta today came back as <5 or negative for hcg (pregnancy hormone). I got a positve hpt on Friday at 12dp5dt. The next I tested was 14dp5dt and got a faint line on a first reaponse frer and nothing on a wondfro. At 15dp5dt I got a Not Pregnant on clearblue digital and nothing on wondro. This is a chemical pregnancy, or early miscarriage.

I suppose it's good to know I CAN get pregnant. I have never had any positive test in the two years we've been ttc. But this totally and completely sucks. From what I've read most chemical pregnancies are a result of implanation problems or a problem with the egg. So it also sucks to think this is my fault and my body isn't doing something that is supposed to be so natural and is so easy for so many people.

We will meet with our RE next week to talk about what went wrong and what we will do next time. Hubs and I both want to move onto another cycle as soon as possible and because we didn't have any embryos to freeze we will be starting from scratch. Hopefully we can start as soon as I have my period and we can be on the schedule for the October ivf group.

Beta Day Arrived!

I'm now 12dp5ft, also know as Beta Day! I finally took a HPT this morning and got a positive! I promptly started freaking the fuck out - crying and shaking. I woke my husband up to let him know the news. Somehow I made it to work and even though I only had a half day scheduled I don't know how I made it through the day. The nurse called with my results around 1:00pm and told us the beta was positive! I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've seen my husband cry and this was one of them <3 My number is 56 and from stalking  Dr. Google for two weeks now it seems like a low number. So yes, right now I am pregnant (eek!!!!!) but I'm being very very cautiously optimistic. It sounds like a lot of people with numbers around mine ended up with chemical pregnancies.

Because of the holiday weekend we don't go back for another beta on Tuesday, 4 days after our first draw instead of the typical 2. by then we should be well above 200. So we shall see!!

The Next 4 days

6dp5dt: Headache is worse. Cramps like usual.
7dp5dt: Still have a headache. Still cramps.
8dp5dt: Happy Birthday to me. Cramps.
9dp5dt: I feel like I'm going to cry at my desk all day. Cramps (what else is new?). I'm a stressed wreck between work and thinking about my beta on Friday. I'm really nervous it's going to be a negative. The things I've been feeling like exhaustion, cramps, tender breasts, can all be a side effect of the PIO. I don't feel anything that indicates pregnancy. It sucks that PIO/pregnancy/period symptoms are all the same.

4 days until Beta.

First Half of TWW

1dp5dt:Cramping. Tired.
2dp5dt: Cramping. Exhausted. Fell asleep at my desk at work. Fell asleep at home around 5pm for about 30 minutes. Only woke up because my phone rang. Fell asleep for the night at 10:00pm.
3dp5dt: Cramping. A little less tired.
4dp5dt: Cramping. Tired.
5dp5dt: Cramping. Tired. Small headache.

Progesterone: 29.5 (nurse said it should be above 5)
Estrodiol: 225 (nurse said it should be above 125)

Now I have to wait another week for beta. This is going to be a slow. slow. week.

So sad.

Bad news today. None of our other 7 embryos made it to freeze. So the one we transferred is our only hope. I went from extremely happy and hopeful 10 minutes ago to sad, crying, and hopeless. If those other 7 didn't make it why would the one we transferred make it?

Transfer Day!!

Yesterday was finally transfer day! All my fears of us going to the clinic and them telling us all 8 embryos stopped growing between Day 3 and day 5 were unfounded of course. We still had 8. We ended up transfering one BB Early Blastocyst.

Our transfer was scheduled for 2:30pm and we were told to arrive a little before 2. We ended up getting there around 1:45. The nurse brought us right back to the procedure area and had me take my first valium, change into a robe, and then she drew blood to check my progesterone and E2 levels (I'll get a call today with the results and if they need to make any adjustments to my dosages). Another couple was coming out of the procedure room so we had to wait while they cleaned and reset for us which only took maybe 10 minutes.

They had my assume the position (you know exactly what I mean IVF ladies) and checked my bladder to make sure it was full. The tech said it was good and I could actually go pee for a few seconds if I wanted too if I wasn't feeling good because of it. I told her I was fine, because having to pee and stop when you still have a full bladder sucks. The doctor came in and showed us pictures of all of our embryos and went over their grading. We chose the best one and the doctor started doing her thing. The embryologist brought our embryo over, the doctor injected it, which we could see on the ultrasound machine. The embryologist checked the catheter to make sure it was all clear, then the doc removed everything from my vag. She then emptied my bladder with a catheter which I wasn't expecting at all!!! I was laughing the whole time. And it took a while.that thing was full to the brim. We go to watch my bladder shrink on the monitor which I also found cool. The tech handed us a picture print out of the embryo sitting in my uterus as well to keep.

After that I moved to the stretcher and they wheeled me back to the recovery area. I rested there for about 15 minutes and then off we went for home! We were at the clinic for maybe 45 minutes total. Easy peasy.

And now we wait until September 2nd for our beta. I'm going to take a half day because if they call with bad news there is no way I can go back to work. But for the next 11 days I'm going to think positive and only positive. This will work. There is no reason for it not to.

Me for the next few days:

Day 3 Post Retrieval

We still have 8 embryos growing. The nurse said on day three they should be between 6 and 8 cells. We have 4 8-cells, 2 7-cells, 1 6-cell, and 1 5-cell. The nurse said that 5-cell may catch up before we have to freeze on day 6.

We won't get an update on day 4 which sucks! I just want to know how they're doing! I'm already the world's craziest helicopter parent.

I'm feeling a LOT better today than I did yesterday. I felt not too bad on Tuesday after the retrieval. Wednesday I felt better, even went for a walk. Yesterday, though, by about midday it was uncomfortable just walking at work like to the bathroom or the printer. I think part of it was being constipated because I felt a lot better once I went #2. I drank a cup of coffee to try and get things grooving in there. I still didn't feel great though, a lot of bloating and discomfort when moving so I laid down at home the rest of the night. I was afraid of OHSS but I keep tabs on my weight and it has gone down since the procedure. Today a lot of my bloating went down, my weight is back to my pre-stims weight and I feel MUCH more like myself.

Only a few days until Transfer! Stay strong little embryos!

Day 2 Post Retrieval

Our little embryos are doing good. The nurse finally called around 10:30 (I was waiting on pins and needles, and of course imagining every terrible scenario as to why it was taking them so long to call. Thanks Dr. Google).

We still have all 8 embryos. The nurse said on day two they should be between 2 and 4 cells. We have one overachieving 5-cell, three 4-cell, and four 2-cells.

I keep wishing we had live video feed of them in the lab so I could watch them all day, kind of like doggie day cares that live stream all day to their clients/owners. I'd have my embies up on my monitor all day having a party any time their cute little cells divided.

As for me, I'm constipated (haven't gone since Monday, ugh), bloated, and crampy. I'm hoping this goes away soooooon!

Egg Retrieval and After

I'm one day post egg retrieval! We were able to do the trigger on Monday evening and went in for our retrieval on Wednesday. I took two 250unit ovidrels for the trigger, and luckily didn't have any side effects. ( side note: I think I was pretty lucky as far as side effects went during this whole process! The BCP was definitely the worst. Besides starting to feel slightly bloated I didn't have much else going on.). By the time I woke up on Wednesday I was in a bit of discomfort and pain just from having a bunch of large eggs ready to ovulate. We got to the clinic around 10:45am. They brought us back to the recovery area around 10:55. The nurse came and went over some forms and got my IV set up, the anesthetist introduced himself and went over some more forms, the ultrasound tech I had been seeing the last week and a half came over to say hi. The doctor finally cam over around 11:30 to introduce himself (our regular RE was on vacation so another dr. from another clinic was doing our retrieval). Finally they took me to the bathroom and then right into the procedure room. The anesthetist hooked me up to a monitor and said he was injecting something into my IV. He asked if I felt anything and I said nope. Next thing I knew I was waking up into the recovery area mumbling something about Michael Jackson. We were on our way home by 1:30pm.

I was feeling pretty crappy right after the procedure but probably 10 minutes after we started for home I felt so much better. I did take the tylenol with codeine my doc prescribed beforehand (and that was some good stuff). I drank a ton of water and had a lot of extra protein.

Today, the day after the procedure, I definitely feel sore and crampy. No bleeding which is good, but bloated for sure.I worked from home to not lose a PTO day and to take it easy. I have no idea if I have any work clothes that will fit right now! Do you think it's ok to wear yoga pants and a tshirt in a business casual office?

We got 10 eggs during the procedure. Today the nurse called to update us and said all 10 were mature and they were able to fertilize 8 with ICSI. I didn't think to ask why they did ICSI (we didn't chose this ahead of time, but on our consents chose the option of yes please do what you need to to make sure these eggs turn into embies and they grow). I'm assuming it was because we only had 10 and they didn't want to take the chance of them NOT fertilizing. Now we wait until tomorrow to hear again! It's nerve wracking that everything is out of my hands (and body!), that what happens happens. this $15000 may have been for nothing. But I'm going to believe those 8 embies are strong and all will grow to day 5 blastocysts and the one we transfer comes back out in 9 months.

Cycle Updates

We stimmed for 12 days and were able to do the trigger on Sunday night at 11:30pm so we go in Tuesday at 11:30am for the retrieval. I didn't write down the exact numbers (the tech said she give me a copy of my records sheet but she forgot and I forgot) but on Sunday morning I had 8-10 mature follicles and a few smaller ones hanging around. Hopefully the trigger gives them a boost and I can get some more mature eggs retrieved. I'm excited to be at the retrieval finally, but I'm also terrified I'm going to ovulate early and terrified they'll get in there. And I'm afraid with not having smaller numbers right now that limits my chance for success as they fertilize and grown. I can only think positive thoughts and let what happens happens. At this point it is out of my hands.

And for another edition of Overheard at the Fertility Clinic: "It looks like garlic gloves in there. I have to concentrate to make sure I don't count one twice!"

Stims Day 12 Update

Early morning scan and blood work this morning to check progess. I have a 20, 17, 17, 14, 11, and two smaller follies on the left and 17, 17, 16, 13, 11, 10, and two smaller on the right. My E2 is at 1487 and still triple strip edno. They're keeping me on the same dose tonight (still 75 Gonal F, 150 Menopur, 5 Lupron) and then going back tomorrow morning to check things again.

Both the ultrasound tech and nurse said it looked likely trigger could be tomorrow, and if not tomorrow then Monday! I'm hoping tomorrow because after today's dose I'll be out of Gonal F and I didn't want to have to buy more. That shit's expensive!

As far as side effects go I have some bloating and definitely some discomfort. We walked around the zoo today for an hour and a half before we had to leave because walking was uncomfortable. Those ladies that have 20+ follies #praisehands. I have less than 10 sizeable follies. I can't imagine what it's like with more!!
I've also cried a bit while watching the olympics; like every time the national anthem plays. Go Team!

Stims Day 11 Update

We're getting there! E2 is up to 974 and my lining is at 15 (is there such a thing as to thick?!) On the left I have a 15, 15, 14, 12, 11 and on the right I have 15, 15, 15, 13, 10. I'll be on the same dose tonight and go back tomorrow morning for another check. I'm finally feeling excited. I even did a little dance once the ultrasound tech left the room. I'm so proud of these little follies! It's looking like just a few more days until retrieval!

Stims Day 9 Update

Stims Day 9 update: My estrogen jumped from 159 on Monday to 407 today so it looks like things are finally starting to kick into gear in my lady parts :)I feel like saying this is totally going to jinx it, but man I really didn't want to buy more meds, but with how things are going I think I'm going to have to. But hey, what's $1000 more dollars?

At my ultrasound today the tech found  3 10s and 6 less than 8s on the right. On the left I have a 12, 11, 10, and 8 less than 8s. Grow grow grow little guys!!

My endometrium is at 13 so I have that going for me.

 Because sloths are probably the best creature.

Stims Day 7 Update

I've done stims injections for 6 nights now. Today was my 2nd update ultrasound. As of this morning I have 3 less than 10mm follies and 6 less than 8mm on the right. On the left I have 2 10mms, 1 less than 10mm, and 11 less than 8mm. My estrogen is at 159 (which seems a bit low to me...right?) and progesterone is .6. My doctor is keeping me on the 75 Gonal F, 150 Menopur, and 5 units Lupron.

I definitely am starting to feel the meds working. I feel crampy/tingly/something in my ovaries and definitely started feeling bloated. Honestly I'm happy to have bloat and cramps and move slower because I hope it means the meds are working. I didn't feel anything at all until yesterday (day 6) so hopefully things are moving along now. I go back on Wednesday for another scan and am hoping to see a lot of good progress.

In other news: Yesterday was my first day of having to mix everything myself and hopefully it will be the last! My menopur was clumped like a sugar cube and I freaked out because every other time it was powdery. I was completely afraid I somehow ruined my meds and wasted thousand of dollars. I called the RE's answering service and they put me on the PA at my clinic. She reassured me it was ok and the saline would disolved the menopur just fine. I felt bad for disrupting her Sunday evening! But I'm glad I called and had my fears eased. On top of that I went to draw my Lupron and realized I was out of syringes/needles. At 6:30pm on a Sunday. So another freak out entailed while I frantically searched for an open pharmacy. I wasn't even sure if the pharmacy would sell me needles OTC. Luckily I found an open pharmacy and after a bit of confusion by the pharmacy tech who wanted to know if I needed them "for injecting things." One thing's for sure. Use the word infertility with a 21 year old dude and they shut up and give you what you asked for. So about 45 minutes of panicking later I got everything mixed and injected. Disaster averted. This time.

Stims Day 4 Update

Day Two: Went a LOT better. We got everything correct this time. Used the other thigh.
Day Three: Still doing good with the shots. Used the stomach this time. The shots seem to burn more here.
Day Four: Ultrasound and blood work in the morning. I had 7 follies on the right and 11 on the left today. I already have a big bruise from my blood draw because she drew from a weird vein. My estrogen is at 64, was at 19 on Tuesday. She said it's normal to see the estrogen values increase before the follies start growing so that's good.

I go back in on Monday for another ultrasound/blood work.

In the mean time I'm going to chill out, watch some Olympics, and let this follies grow.

Stims Day 1

Yesterday was our first day with stims meds and let me tell you: I screwed up.
 
I'm supposed to mix two vials of Menopur with a 1/2 cc of saline. After measuring the air into the syringe and putting the 1/2 cc of air into the vial instead of picking up only a 1/2 cc of saline we did the entire bottle. That much saline pumping into my leg didn't feel right, that's for sure.

And then after doing the Lupron shot I realized I drew up the full 10 units instead of the 5 I was supposed to drop it to! I had the instructions right in front of me, all day I kept telling myself: 5 units, not 10. Reduce your dose. Half dose of Lupron. Over and over and over. And then in all the excitement and nervousness of doing these injections for the first night I hit myself up with 10 units.

It is nothing major, but I still have to call the RE and let them know my screw ups. I feel like a kid who got caught doing something bad. Like they're going to take my toys away and send me to time out.

The only good thing is that it was the first night. I'm just afraid because of the extra Lupron I will have to stim extra days and will have to buy more meds, and man those are expensive! Here's to not screwing up again!

Give me all the stims!

I just got the call that we can go ahead and start stims tonight!

FINALLY!

Bright and early at 6:50am this morning I had my baseline ultrasound and blood work done. The ultrasound tech counted 11 follicles on the right and 16 on the left. Let's hope they stick around and grow! I know there can be a big fall off between the different stages, but to know I have a lot to start gives me hope. I have my next scan and blood work on Friday. I'm excited to see how they grow! I think I'm going to try doing the shots in my thigh tonight. My stomach is feeling a bit tender from the Lupron.

I hope these next few weeks go by fast 1. because I'm impatient and just want to be through the TWW already and 2. my drive to my RE's office is at least 30 minutes there and then 30-40 minutes back in the other direction to work. At least my appointments are so early I am still to work before rush hour traffic really kicks in. My 15 minute drive is now is at least quadrupled, sometimes more if I do hit traffic. And I HATE traffic.

But I will sit in all the traffic ever if it gets me knocked up :)

Negative Feelings :(

I'm starting to get slightly panicky over this entire IVF process. It's not the needles or the procedures that are freaking me out, but I'm getting an overwhelming feeling that we're going to have paid $15,000 for nothing. That it's not going to work. Everyone wants to be a part of the group for which IVF works the first time. But what if it doesn't? What if my follicles don't grow? What if I only have a few retrieved? Or I have a good retrieval and they all stop growing?  Having to pick up and move on after a failed cycle is terrifying. And those are the thoughts that keep swirling around in my head :( This process is so freaking hard. For those who have done this multiple times I admire you so much.

I also think two of my closest friends having babies is also really starting to get to me. One friend now has a 1.5 week old and my other friend is 31 weeks. Seeing them and hearing them talk about their pregnancies sucks.

I'm going to go look at cat pictures now to cheer up a bit for what is going to be a long work day. This Lupron is making me exhausted (which being my only side effect so far, I'm actually ok with).

Google upside down dogs and try to not smile:

That face:

This is one of the funniest cat videos probably ever:

I hope my work never looks at my internet search history....