Negative Feelings :(

I'm starting to get slightly panicky over this entire IVF process. It's not the needles or the procedures that are freaking me out, but I'm getting an overwhelming feeling that we're going to have paid $15,000 for nothing. That it's not going to work. Everyone wants to be a part of the group for which IVF works the first time. But what if it doesn't? What if my follicles don't grow? What if I only have a few retrieved? Or I have a good retrieval and they all stop growing?  Having to pick up and move on after a failed cycle is terrifying. And those are the thoughts that keep swirling around in my head :( This process is so freaking hard. For those who have done this multiple times I admire you so much.

I also think two of my closest friends having babies is also really starting to get to me. One friend now has a 1.5 week old and my other friend is 31 weeks. Seeing them and hearing them talk about their pregnancies sucks.

I'm going to go look at cat pictures now to cheer up a bit for what is going to be a long work day. This Lupron is making me exhausted (which being my only side effect so far, I'm actually ok with).

Google upside down dogs and try to not smile:

That face:

This is one of the funniest cat videos probably ever:

I hope my work never looks at my internet search history....

Guilt

I can't be the only one that has bought things for a baby I don't have yet, right? I've only bought two very small things so far:

1. A sleeping onsie. I saw it on sale for super cheap right around the time a friend announced her pregnancy. I had all intentions to give it to her as a gift but then didn't.
2. A cardboard, write-on, blank calendar to use at a (my) baby shower so guests can guess the due date from the dollar section at Target.

I also have a registry on BabyList (I've had a long 22 months to put a lot of thought into what I want on my registry) and they send updates every week of price changes. When I see something at an especially low price I'm always tempted to just purchase it! But I feel super weird and guilty about having the two items that I do have.

 

It's also totally normal to have my baby shower and the nursery all planned as well, right? I have pinterest boards and amazon wish lists for each...  

Now We're Getting Somewhere!

Finally! We started Lupron injections! I feel like we've been waiting so long to get to this point. I'm happy and excited, even though we aren't at stims yet. I stop BCP on the 28th, one less mess of hormones to deal with (for a few days anyways). I go in for an ultrasound on August 2nd and will hopefully get the OK to start that evening.

The injection itself went quick and easy. I'm not afraid of needles and my husband worked as a vet tech in high school so he's used to mixing meds and giving injections. Honestly I would rather just do them myself, but I want him to be involved in the process and I know he feels the same way.

Our air conditioner is broken and it's been in the 90s for weeks now. Out of all the side effects I'm hoping hot flashes leave me alone because the earliest we can get a new AC installed is August 8th. I might just melt. I'm going to have to buy a larger refrigerator and camp out inside of it like this adorable pup.

Sonohysterogram and Trial Transfer

Yesterday was a huge day for us! I was finally able to have my saline sonohysterogram and trial transfer. I was having breakthrough bleeding that derailed my sono last week but finally after 12 days my bleeding stopped on Monday.

My appointment started with the ultrasound tech scanning my bladder to make sure it was full, to which she said my bladder looked beautiful. The doctor came in and quickly did the sono. I've read stories about it being painful or uncomfortable but I didn't feel a single thing. My doctor said my uterus looked great and that I must have great tubes because of how the saline was moving, not that that has helped us in the last 22 months...The trial transfer was next, and was also quick and painless. An easy entry of the catheters and said all set! Everything looks great so we can start Lupron on Sunday!

After these two procedures we injection training with one of the IVF nurses. My husband worked as a vet assistant in high school so he has some experience mixing and giving meds so hopefully it will all go smoothly. I'm excited to finally start!

The last big piece yesterday was paying! See ya later money! Bye bye! $10,000 went away so fast!

We put the cost on two different credit cards so we can get both Southwest and Delta airline points. We'll have to babymoon somewhere really great.

So next steps: I start Lupron on Sunday, stop BCP on Thursday, first ultrasound and blood work the following Tuesday and hopefully start stims, if so another ultrasound and blood work on Friday. Then we play it by ear.

WTF Uterus

Today is day 22 of birth control pills and I'm still having breakthrough bleeding. WTF Uterus. Get your act together.

Sonohysterogram Canceled

Today was supposed to be our sonoysterogram but due to my bleeding it has been canceled.

Bleeding increases the risk of infections so until my bleeding goes away I can't have the sono. When I've taken BCP for actual birth control I had always had breakthrough bleeding until I started on a triphasic pill, in which the dosage increases every week, unlike your average monophasic pill in which the dosage is the same in every pill except the placebos. Because I'm on the pill for IVF, though, I have to be on a monophasic. In the past the bleeding lasted about a week so hopefully later this week it will be over and I can reschedule the sono. Now the problem is that I have a trip booked for work from Monday afternoon through Wednesday afternoon when I'll be several states over, and then I have my trial transfer scheduled for that Thursday I get back. All of this is stressing me out and nervous this bleeding is going to mess everything up and push our IVF cycle back a month. All I can do is sit here and wait it out. Maybe go get some ice cream tonight.

Edit: and i just dropped my breakfast all of the lunch room floor at work. And cried. In the lunch room. At work. And it's only 8:15am. This is going to be a week, isn't it?

Edit Edit: My biggest mistake of the week so far was not getting a coffee with the bagel I went out and bought.

More Preparation

I've been on birth control pills for two weeks now. The the first week I had a continual headache which finally subsided 7 days later. I've had some spotting for 2 days now. And I've randomly cried only twice. I forgot how wonderful BCP are! sike.

We are moving along in our preparation for our IVF cycle. We have all the meds delivered as of today (the good thing about spending thousands of dollars on meds is free next day shipping. Wooo!!). Our grand total came to $3340, and I have two rebate forms to send in the get a little money back. We ordered through 2 separate pharmacies. Here is a breakdown of what we paid.

South Miami Pharmacy (SMP):
Ovidrel, 250mg: $199 total for two.
Gonal F Readi Inject, 900iu: $954
Menopur, 75iu, 25 vials (150iu dose): $2099.75

Aetna Specialty Pharmacy:
Lupron: $70 copay
Progesterone in Oil: $10 copay
Estradiol oral: $7.65 copay

CVS:
Apri Birth Contral Pills: $0

I actually expected to pay more; the copays really helped us out. But I'm still feeling:

I have to say I really like SMP. I've had great customer service with them in the past when ordering my Ovidrel for IUIs and not when ordering IVF meds they are again really great. The day my doctor sends over the order they call to confirm and set up delivery. The CSRs are freindly, knowledgeable, and helpful. Aetna Pharmacy? Not so much. Like at all.

I had another blood draw today to check my TSH. I've been on 50mcg of synthroid for about 3 weeks now so hopefully my levels have regulated back below 2.0. The sonohysterogram and injection training is Monday and the trial transfer is the following week.

I haven't decided about acupuncture. I've read a lot about it helping with IVF success rates, but it's $85 per session, which after spending $3340 on meds I feel anxious about spending more money, even if it could be helpful. I'm also afraid of going back to the acupuncturist I had been seeing and her wanting me to stick to a crazy diet again. I was so miserable and stressed out before when I was sticking to the no dairy, no sugar, eat only air diet. Right now I'm thinking of making an appointment for the week I start Lupron (July 24th).

I've been trying to stick to a high protein, lower carb diet (not no carbs, because that makes me miserable and cry in the grocery store aisle), but I haven't been too strict (escecially because 4th of July is my favorite holiday and I'm going to pig out). Once I start the stims I'm going to be extra good. But I have a few more weeks until that happens. Here's to hoping no crying in the grocery store again.

IVF Check List:

1. Cycle day 3 ultrasound and blood work, including FSH and Estradiol
• I will receive my prescription for birth control and the clinic will contact me after the doctor has reviewed my labs to give me the go ahead to start BCP
2.  Around the same time get blood work for hepatitis panel, HIV, RPR/VDRL (both myself and Husband)
3. Have latest pap smear info sent over from my OBGYN's office
4. Complete consents for ICSI, assisted hatching, embryo freezing (including what to do if one or both of us pass away), disposition of embryos, and IVF in general. We have to get these notarized
5. Have sonohysterogram - 7/11/16
6. Have trail transfer - 7/21/16
7. Do injection training - 7/11/16
8. Schedule a meeting with the doctor who will do our retrieval, as our RE will be out of town during the retrieval window 
9. Restart acupuncture at some point, probably mid July
10. Complete application for medication discounts
11. Make sure all meds are delivered by 7/24/16
12. Start Lurpon 7/24/16
13. Last BCP 7/28/16
14. Ultrasound/Blood work 8/2/16
15. Start Gonal F and Menopur 8/2/16 as long as everything looks good
16. Ultrasound/Blood work 8/5/16
17. Ultrasound/blood work ever day/every other day week of 8/7/16-8/13/16
18. Retrieval week of 8/14-8/21 depending on respond
19. Start progesterone and estrogen supplements day of retrieval
20. Transfer 5 days after retrieval, unless embroys aren't growing as well. Then they might do a 3 days post retrieval transfer
21. Blood test 1 week after transfer
22. Beta test 12 days after transfer