Baby #2, 12 Weeks Pregnant

I'm 12 weeks pregnant with baby #2!

This 2nd pregnancy is so very different than my first. There are things that are the same: the exhaustion, the food aversions. But mentally I'm in such a different place. With my 1st pregnancy I was an anxious, nervous wreck until probably 20 weeks at least. I was obsessively checking my pregnancy app every day, I would have been able to tell you if baby was the size of a walnut or Christmas ornament or apple. I didn't even download any app until 9 weeks I think? If it weren't for the food aversions and exhaustion I feel like I wouldn't be thinking about being pregnant. With my first baby it took us so long just to get pregnant I was thinking 'well what else is going to go wrong?!'. This time I think I just feel a lot more confident in my body that it can do this; it can carry a baby to term. So I just sit here forgetting I'm growing a baby. Cool.

It's also very different on my body. Wit my first I wasn't showing until muuuch later, closer to 20 weeks. With this pregnancy everything is already fucked so I can't hid it much longer. But it's that awful phase where I look like I've been indulging in holiday dessert buffets a little too much. I go for walks most days, but with it getting dark and much colder by 5pm and Baby#1 needing to eat dinner at 6pm on the dot I can only get out for about 30 minutes. It's better than nothing, but not what I was doing with my first pregnancy. Oh well. Yolo and all that.

I did find out one of my best friends is just a few weeks behind me with her #2. I'm so excited! I'll have a friend to text at 3am during feedings and take trips to Target to during maternity leave! Mom friends are so nice to have!

So those are my profound thoughts at 12 weeks pregnant!

How far along? 12 weeks (and 1 day)
Total weight gain/loss? 2 lbs I think. According to the scale in the morning. According to the Dr. scale like 3,490 lbs. 
Maternity clothes? Oh yeah. Maternity leggings all day. I can still wear pre-pregnancy things in cluding my jeans and regular leggings, but they;re not comfy. I haven't told work yet so I just keep stuffing myself into my jeans and baggy sweaters (yay sweater season!)
Sleep? In bed by 9pm most nights. I get 8.5 hours of sleep most nights.  
Symptoms? Exhaustion, food aversions. 
Food cravings? Nope, none.
Food aversions? Basically everything. It mostly hits in the evening/afternoon just in time for dinner. Then, anything makes me feel sick. My lovely husband has been making dinner for himself and the 1 year old the last few nights because the look and smell is awful for me. 
Gender? Don't know, won't know.

FET #2 - Sibling Quest

Our FET#2 worked! I've been a nervous wreck for weeks and am still worried and nervous and unsure, but I'm trying to embrace this new pregnancy at 6 weeks today!

After our transfer I didn't get many symptoms. No sore breasts, no nausea, no weird smells, not hungry. All the things people say they feel right away. I did have some major mood swings though. I had them with my first baby so I tried to embrace them and say it was a good thing, but I was still miserable and convinced the FET didn't work. I tried to hold off testing but I was just so anxious I couldn't. I took a test at 8dp5dt and got a very faint positive on a frer and an even fainter on a wondfro. I took several tests over the next few days and they never seems as strong as my tests with my first, so the worrying continued through beta day. I knew my beta would be positive, I just didn't know what the number would be:

Beta 1, 13dp5dt: 264

Beta 2, 15dp5dt: 703

Beta 3, 17dp5dt: 1853

Beta 4, 20dp5dt: 2906

My first beta with my first baby was 600something, so that explains the lighter lines I guess. And I know 264 is definitely pregnant, it's just so hard not to compare numbers. I say i 'll try not to, but that's just not how my brain works. 

My first three betas doubled great, and then my 4th didn't. And I know through a lot of googling HCG doubling time slows the higher it gets, but: my brain doesn't like the easy answer. It prefers worry and Dr. Google telling me what will go wrong. 

My clinic brought me in for my first ultrasound the next day and we got to see our little soap bubble baby at 5w5d. The tech said everything looked perfectly normal, and measured right on track, but we weren't able to see a heartbeat, which we did with my 1st at this same time (please see above re: worry, anxiety, what will go wrong). 

We go in next week again so I'm trying to be happy and just think about this little one growing on track. This stage of pregnancy seems so foreign to me now. My first pregnancy only ended a year ago so I'm still used to the big belly and all the non stop movement of the baby, etc. This stage, where there's no noticeable difference in my body yet is strange. I don't feel pregnant (well....except the 4 day headache and never ending exhaustion) so it's hard to think of myself as pregnant. And having a one year old I don't have time to focus on it like I did the first time. I used to be able to take naps when I got home from work and take hour long walks in the afternoons. Not so much me time anymore! Pregnancy with a little one, even barely 6 weeks is hard work!!

FET #1 for Baby #2

We did a frozen embryo transfer on Tuesday, 10/9/18. We arrived at the clinic about 15 minutes early, and they bumped us ahead of another patient because she didn't drink enough water, while I felt like I could pee my pants at any moment.

I had a quick blood draw to check progesterone and estrogen levels and then my hubs and I were taken into the procedure room. They had me undress, pop my valium, checked my bladder to make sure it was full (and it basically took up the entire screen, so yeah...it was full)! We triple checked with the dr. and embryologist that it was OUR embryo and not the other patient's being transferred. Everything checked out ok, I gave my name and DOB about 10 times, so on we went. My stripe was a 20 (our doc wants to see anything over 7, so yay! I have a nice cushy luxury mansion for this embryo to snuggle into). The embryologist popped in our sweet AB mostly hatched embryo and we got to watch as in it went! The entire thing took just minutes. They let me lay in the recovery area for 20 minutes or so and then we were on our way to pick up our little on from daycare. All in all we were at the clinic for maybe 45 minutes.

We decided to knot chose or find out the sex before transfer. We have one male and one female embryo left so we have a 0/50 chance. We want to wait until birth to find out what we're having so hopefully we find out in about 38 weeks.

I'm sticking to a lower carb, no added sugar, warm foods, brazil nut, pineapple core diet until our beta test. Dinner was a home made chicken pot pie from our freezer.

I popped my 2nd valium at 9:00pm and happily went to sleep.

1dp5dt:
I took the day after transfer off to have some me time and actually relax. I slept in until 8:45 am and it was AMAZING. I haven't slept that long in a year. I watched a lot of tv, took a 20 minute, .6 mile walk around the block, and generally lazed around. I had scrambled eggs and cheese for breakfast and Orange Soup with chicken for lunch (butternut squash, sweet potato, carrots).

I was exhausted and took an hour and a half nap in the afternoon. Getting to catch up on sleep is amazing. I can't say it enough.

2dp5dt:
I'm back at work today, though I'm leaving during my lunch and going home because I have literally zero things on my calendar. The meetings I thought I had were canceled. Cool.

My clinic called with my levels from transfer day:
Progesteron: 29, they want above 10.
Estrogen: 650, they want above 150.

This 2nd transfer has been totally different with already having one baby because I don't get the sit down, relax time I got the first time around. Now there is a 11.5 month old baby crawling all over the place. I did my best to sit but sometimes you just have to stop a baby from trying to drink laundry soap or climb up the stairs.

Luckily, I have less time to overthink every little thing. My mind is whirling on "is the baby fed? does he need a diaper change? Yes that is a BLUE cup and a GREEN ring. Those are your toes. Don't eat the electrical cord. No we don't go down the stairs headfirst. And on this farm he had a cow eieio" etc. etc. etc.

I really want a giant chocolate chocolate chip muffin and an inced coffee.

Symptom Spotting: Nothing yet.

It's been a while....

I haven't updated this since February!

Now it is September and we are i the middle of our prep for our 2nd frozen embryo transfer. Our first baby is 10.5 months old and we are going for baby #2! I feel slightly crazy for going for #2 so soon, but the infertility world is so uncertain. We have 2 frozen embryos waiting for us. If neither of these take and we have to do another retrieval my eggs (which ended up being the issue: old before their time) will be even older and in worse shape. Sooo we just going to go for it and are hoping to have little babies close in age! #2under2

We will be doing our transfer in October.

For our prep I have had a new pap smear, new sonohysterogram, cultures, trial transfer, and infectious disease blood work (both myself and husband).

I started on birth control pills after my period in July. I only had 3 periods after having the baby in October. I got my first in May after weaning at 6 months. My clinic uses BCP to control the timing of cycles and to calm the ovaries.

Here is my current protocol. I'm currently in the patches/lupron phase. SO much fun! The headaches, the hot flashes, the night sweats. Love it! :)

As for non-medication related prep I'm doing a low/moderate carb - high protein diet as recommended by my RE. I want to keep my blood sugar nice and stable. The problem I'm having is getting enough calories! Losing the refined carbs isn't a problem, but replacing with enough calories is tough. I'm not trying to lose weight at all so I'm trying to figure out tasty ways to get protein in without the carbs/sugar.

I've also cut out caffeine (except for today apparently, when I forgot to make my coffee order a decaf. oops).

I will do the pomp juice, pineapple core, brazil nut, warm foods, crazy shit I did last time. It worked then, so I might as well do it again, right?!

Currently I'm still exercising, running/fast walking 45 minutes, 5 days a week. Once we do the transfer I'll stop such strenuous exercise and just do casual walking instead of the fast, blood pumping kind I'm used to.

I'm so excited, anxious, nervous, and terrified. I'm so scared our transfer won't work. Our first baby has been such a wonder and joy and we know how amazing parenting and babies can be, so if it doesn't work out I think I may be more devastated then the last time. With our first fresh and frozen transfer we were still striving for our goal. We wanted a baby and wanted to be parents but didn't know what it would be like. But now we do. I'm so hopeful it's going to work. All we can do is follow our protocol and wait.

3 Month Gear List

Another list!

3-Month List of Things I Love (In no particular order, just as I think of things while I should be working instead):

1. Oballs. These are great for little fingers and hands to hold. Baby loves holding and shaking and eating these. This was the first toy he grabbed with two hands and the first he intentionally brought to his mouth. The brand also makes other shapes!

2. Links/Rings: Such an easy toy to throw in a bag, attach to the car seat, or dangle from something. So versatile and baby loves the different textures on his mouth.

3. Kirkland Diapers: We did a diaper raffle at my baby shower and so we have used all sorts of different brands of diapers. I've found these have been the best diapers at containing blowouts! He has yet to leak out of one of these. I may actually need to get a Costco membership!

4. A&D Ointment: I said I liked this before and here I go again. Recently we've used this on his cradle cap and it cleared up very fast!

6. Fisher-Price Sit Me Up: We started sticking baby in this a little over a month ago. The high back of the seat makes it easier for smaller babies to use. A baby has to be a little bigger with better neck control for something like a bumbo seat, but the Sit Me Up let baby see the world from a new perspective and he loved it. He would get cranky being on his back all the time so this allowed him something new. It also was great for mom to get stuff done in the kitchen while he sat and watched.

5. Fisher-Price Space Saver Jumperoo: I registered for this jumper because the smaller profile. We have a smaller house and have see how much room jumpers can take up at my friend's houses.  Baby is 16 weeks old as of two days ago and recently started loving to stand (when held, obviously. He isn't that advanced haha) and last night started boucing while standing so it seemed like the perfect time to open the jumper! He is just barely tall enough for it right now (He was 25 inches at 3 months, don't know what he is now), and has just enough neck/upper body control. It's not something we can just plop him in to contain him yet. He still needs help and supervision, but he loved being able to stand bounce and was reaching for all the toys above him, though getting frustrated and mad he couldn't actually reach them. As he grows I think he'll love it more and more!

7. Toy straps/tethers: These are the ones I have from Amazon. They make it so easy to attach toys to things! I attach his oball to his glider and to his car seat. I attach toys to his playmat so when he flings them I don't have to go running for them. They will be great for attaching things to highchairs so baby can't throw things around restaurants.

 

Tether toys to the elephants nose!

8. Books: Little Blue Truck is my favorite. It's a fun story to read and the story has a good heart.

Beep Beep Beep!

9. Full Size Bath Towels: After years of reading blogs and baby recommendations and registries I decided to register for full sized towels and not baby towels. But of course we received quite a few baby towels at our shower. I decided to try them because, why not? Well I'll tell you why not. Because they are very thing and not absorbent. When we would take Baby out of the bath and wrap him in a baby towel he would cry and cry because he was cold and wet. I finally switched to the full sized towels (one lovely person did buy them for us!) and since then he hasn't been nearly as upset after his bath. The towels are much warmer and really dry him off well. Get full sized towels.

10. And of course. The greatest baby toy of all time:

When he gets fussy or I need a few minutes to get something done I plop him under the ceiling fan. Works like a charm every time.

16 Weeks - Breastfeeding

This Saturday Baby will be 16 weeks old! Some days I can't believe it has been this long. There are times I look at him and think oh my goodness this baby is mine! He is the best baby. Everything changes so fast I try to soak up as much as possible.

We've had some challenges for sure. Breastfeeding has been a very tough process for us. For about 10 weeks I was exclusively breastfeeding, but Baby wasn't gaining weight. He was in the 50th percentile at birth, then went down to 20th percentile at his 2 month checkup. 2 weeks after that he was down to the 6th percentile. For 2 months his normal feeding sessions would last about 40 minutes, 20 per side. But then around the end of December he started going longer and longer, the longest I let him go was an hour and 15 minutes and he was still unsatiated and crying when I took him off the boob. I made an appointment with an LC and she said his latch was fine and positioning looked good. We did a weigh/feed/weigh and he took about 2 ounces in 30 minutes. She thinks I just have a low supply. The LC recommended feeding him for 30 minutes, because going longer than that won't be very helpful, and then supplementing with formula. She said to start offering an ounce at a time until he is ok. She also suggested pumping after every nursing session, pumping every 2 hours at work, not going more than 3 hours between feedings or pumps, and taking fenugreek supplements (3 pills 3x a day) to boost my supply. 

I tried these suggestions for a month and have seen no increase in my supply whatsoever. I have also tried every other suggestion on the internet to boost supply including: oatmeal, blessed thistle, moringa, blue gatorade, brewers yeast, flax seed, chia seed, fennel seed. Nothing. I still pump one ounce after nursing and 2 during a stand alone pump session.

My last ditch effort is going to be stopping birth control I started on the mini pill after my 6-week check up. The mini pill isn't supposed to affect milk supply which is why it is prescribed for nursing moms. In some rare cases it can, though. And seeing how I've ended up on the 'rare case' side before (i.e. infertility.....), I might as well try. Looking back at my logs my supply started decreasing a few weeks after starting the pill so I might as well try!

....It's not like I actually needed it for the 10+ years I was taking it before....why would now be different......

8 Weeks Old

Baby H is 8 weeks old!

It's crazy how fast babies grown and learn. 5+ weeks brought us Baby's first smiles and also Baby's first rolls from tummy to back. At 7 weeks he started sleeping for longer stretches at night. We put him to bed around 9pm and he will sleep for 4-6 hours before he wakes up to be fed again. He will then sleep for another 2-3 hours before waking again. It's game changing! getting longer stretches of sleep has been amazing. He does have days where his sleep isn't so good (like last night when he fussed most of the night) but knowing he can go longer is great, especially because most of the time he does. 

Items I love for Baby:
1. Mam pacifiers: These were the only pacifiers he would take to begin with.

2. Halo swaddles: We stick him in a body suit and a swaddle for bed every night! We use the fleece kind since it's winter and cold where we live.

3. JJ Cole Car Seat Cover: This thing keeps baby nice and warm during harsh Midwestern winters

4. Chicco Viaro Travel System: I love the three wheels of the stroller; the maneuverability is excellent. I have a friend with the Chicco Bravo (4 wheels) and when I pushed her stroller I found it so much harder to control. The click system makes it really easy to put the car seat into the stroller and the car seat base. It's also easy to get baby strapped in and then out of the seat pretty quick. The stroller isn't too heavy or hard for me to get into and out of the car. I'd definitely buy this again!
 
5. Diapers: I like Huggies the best so far! They fit Baby the best. Pampers have leaked/blown out quite a few times. Unfortunately we have mostly Pampers from our diaper shower. We'll just deal since I don't want to take a ton of boxes of diapers back when it really isn't too bad.

6. Wipes: Meijer baby wipes! They are the softest and wettest! The only thing I don't like about them is they stick together in the pack so when you pull one out you pull 5 out.

7. Diaper Genie: I registered for this on a whim. I had heard a lot of negative reviews saying it didn't do anything. I ended up getting one for our shower and we love it! Our nursery doesn't smell and it's super easy to use. The good news is Target's Up and Up refills fit and cost waaay less.



8. Gas Drops and Gripe Water: YES! We use both of these fairly regularly. They definitely help with gas and fussiness!!!
 

9. A&D Ointment - We first use the A&D ointment on Baby's circumcision and it healed really really well. Then we started using it for diaper cream. I tried Desitin since that seems to be what everyone uses but I hated the small. The A&D works really well and keeps his bottom perfect! I also have used it on his dry scalp/craddle cap and it cleared up so quick.

P.S. It's now 15 weeks post-partum and I'm just getting to post this.....I'm terrible at upkeep....

6 Weeks Postpartum - Mom

Baby is now 6 weeks old! I can't believe it's only been 6 weeks; it feels like baby has been with us for so much longer. He fills a little space we never really knew was missing :)

Here are my jumbled thoughts updates. Because thinking is hard. 

Mom Updates:




My postpartum recovery was really pretty great. I have no major complaints and recovered pretty good (I'm assuming average, but I have nothing to compare it to...). The pain was gone around 2 weeks and the bleeding stopped around 3.5/4 weeks (Also: no one tells you that lochia stinks! It's super gross). 5 days after giving birth I was 6 lbs under my starting pregnancy weight. I've been eating everything in site trying to gain a bit of weight and as of this AM at my 6 week PP OBGYN appointment I am up 4 lbs, hooray! I literally sleep with a clif bar next to my bed and eat it in the wee hours of the morning during one of Connor's early AM feeds. I need to keep the calories coming for breastfeeding!

The Dr. gave me clearance to have sex and workout again. I'll also start taking a BC pill so we don't have an oopsie baby. We've already discussed baby #2, but not quite yet :)


Breastfeeding is still going well, though I actually can't stand it. We haven't had any latch/pain problems since those first few days. I have had a few clogged ducts though and those are miserable! I've started taking the supplement sunflower lecithen which is supposed to help with clogged ducts. But breastfeeding is just boring and it feels like such a chore. I'm still doing it because of all the benefits for mom, baby, and our wallet, but formula sounds so much better. Good for the people that seem to love breastfeeding, but I'm not one of them.

I've been trying to pump once everyday to build a stash of breastmilk, but being home alone it can be really hard to do so. Some days I can feed and plop baby in the rock n play and take the 20 minutes to pump. But other times he cries bloody murder when I put him down and pumping is out of the window for that day. The internet says you get more milk pumping in the morning but I haven't found that to be the case. No matter what time of day I pump I get between .5 and 1.5 ounces. But any extra milk is ok with me.

We get out of the house every day, whether it is shopping or walk. I'd go crazy if I were stuck at home all day every day. When we go on walk there is an old man that lives down the street that tell sme every time he sees us that it is too cold for a baby. Nah dude, it's not. My husband and I subscribe to the "he'll be fine" philosophy. We dress baby for the weather and that's that!

I also take a shower every day. That is another sanity thing for me. I feel like a human after a hot shower (ok, sometimes 2 or 3 showers depending on the spit up situation. I don't like smelling like vomit!). A little shower and mascara go a long way for me.

In sad news: My leave is half over which is unbelievable! This time is going too fast :(

18 days Postpartum

Wow. I wrote this ages ago and never posted it! Baby's take a lot of brain power!

Today I am 18 days postpartum and things have changed so much in the last two and a half weeks.

I will start with the rest of our hospital stay:

After the delivery we had about an hour and half for recovery before we moved to the recovery/postpartum room we'd be in the rest of our stay. The Dr. and resident were busy stopping my bleeding and stitching things up down yonder and I didn't have a care in the world. I had a beautiful baby laying on me and couldn't have been happier. We did skin to skin and he latched on and fed pretty well for the first time. My husband fed me hospital pot roast and apple juice while I nursed the baby. The nurse helped me walk to the bathroom (my legs were still half numb from the epidural. I was walking like a newborn giraffe), got me cleaned up, and showed me all of the postpartum recovery goodies I got to use: tucks, dermoblast spray, epifoam, gigantic mesh undies and even bigger pads, etc. I wasn't able to take a shower because of a broken watermain in the area which kind of sucked. It also meant I had to use cold water in squeeze bottle for my lady parts and that wasn't fun at all!

Once I was cleaned up we moved to the recovery room and we finally had visitors come in. Our families had been waiting since 3:30am and were clamoring to see the baby (and us I suppose haha). I feel like the rest of the day was a blur of feeding baby and hospital staff coming in and out. We were in the hospital for only 36 hours and were sooo ready to leave by the time we were discharged. There were constantly people coming in for my vitals, baby's vitals, bathing baby, baby testing, food service, medication, hospital admin, etc. Even though baby was sleeping long stretches we didn't get much sleep because of the revolving door of our room. It seemed like one person would leave, we would try to sleep, but then an hour later someone else would come in. Not very rest full. And then with the no shower issue as well we were completely ready for discharge! We left the hospital at 3:30pm on Sunday and made our way home!

First Days Home:

The first week home was a blur of feeding baby and very minimal sleeping. We have a bassinet for the baby (Halo Bassinest) but he wanted nothing to do with laying on his back (and who can blame him...for 40 weeks he was curled into a tiny ball). My husband and I would rotate who held the baby. I would feed him and hold him for a few hours until the next feeding and then after feeding again I would go lay down and my husband would hold him for a few hours. We rotated like this throughout the night for the first week. Once the sky started lightening I felt such a sense of relief. Like, if I could make it through the night I'd be ok. Just make it to the next day. The hours between 2am and 6am were the worst. It seemed like the night would never end. My mom was staying for a few days and did grocery shopping. laundry, held the baby while we both took a nap, etc. Everything she did was incredibly helpful.

Breastfeeding:

Breastfeeding has had it's ups and downs for sure. The lactation consultant visited us the 2nd day in the hospital (why they don't come the first day is a complete mystery to me. It would have been much for helpful! She basically told me I was doing everything wrong. But after meeting with her I felt pretty good about everything. Until we got home. Baby would latch fine on the right side but then the left side was SO painful. I have no idea why it was so different but it was awful. I was in tears. I even pumped a few times and gave him a bottle because I just couldn't bear the thought of him latching on. I desperately called the outpatient breastfeeding clinic and they didn't call me back for days. SO not helpful. But luckily whatever baby's issue was corrected itself and I never bothered calling the clinic back because I was mad at them.



Since it took me so long to post this I have no idea if I meant to write about anything else. I will make another update now that we are 6 weeks post baby's birthday.

Postpartum Must Haves

Today marks 12 days postpartum. And we are sleep deprived but surviving! I made a list of my postpartum must haves that have been helping me get by the last few days:

1. Leggings: self-explanatory. Comfy pants to lounge in since I've been spending most of my time sitting.

2. Button down tops: Button ups have made breast feeding much easier. I can whip a boob out as needed. I love the Mossimo flannel from Target. I have 3 of them in various colors. The flannel is soft and the shirt is a loose fit. Great for lounging! Target - Plaid Flannel Shirt

3. Nursing bras: Key for breast feeding! I ordered a no-name brand from Amazon and have loved them. They are really soft and fit really well. I also have a Bravado nursing bra that I got at my shower and I hate it! The side strappy piece (that stays after you unclip the flap/pad) is so big the entire shoulder strap falls down and gets in the way while feeding). Nursing Bras

4. Depends: This one definitely isn't for everyone, but I've been a huge fan. The pads from the hospital were huge and bulky and I felt like I was leaking off the sides of them. I've still had a fairly heavy discharge since having the baby and I've felt much more secure wearing the Depends rather than pads. I've only just switched to a pad today, but will probably still wear my lovely adult diaper at night.

5. Lansinoh Lanolin: Breastfeeding has been a challenge, and while Baby and I are both getting better at it, the nipples take a lot and the lanolin calms them and gets me through to the next feeding. I do want to try another cream like Bamboobies or Earth Mama Angel Baby. Anyone have thoughts on either of those?

 

6. Stool softener: The first postpartum poop is terrifying! The hospital started giving me stool softener and I continued taking it at home. I had some really bad constipation and also took Milk of Magnesia as well as a glycerin suppository. After getting through that phase I've still been taking the softener. Things are a mess down under and anything I can do to ease things I will do!

7. Ibuprofen: I also started taking ibuprofen while in the hospital and have kept up that regimen as well. Again, anything to ease the hot mess down under...

8. Tucks: No one told me about the hemorrhoids. I  felt prepared to be in pain from giving birth (especially because I had an episiotomy), but I was wholly unprepared for the hemorrhoids. I have never any had before and didn't realize how painful they are! I didn't even know I had any until about 12 hours after birth when the nurse went to check down there and mentioned I should get an ice pack for them. TBH I had more pain from these than from my episiotomy. Don't let up on the Tucks! 12 days later and mine aren't bothering me anymore. 

9. Snacks: I have a lot of random snacks like Clif Bars, cracker packs, fruit/veggie pouches (yes, like you pack in a 6 year old's lunch), etc. Having snacks handy at 4am when you are up feeding Baby and are hungry AF is key. Treats like m&ms are also key. Because chocolate. I hit up the after Halloween sales asap.

10. Huge water bottle: Hydration is key for making breastmilk! I have a 48oz Bubba water bottle. I drink probably 4 of these a day. I got mine for $4 on clearance at Walmart. 

11. Sitz Bath: I had no idea what this was until my nurse mom bought one for me. If you don't know: You fill it with warm water and sit in it. It provides pain relief for your underparts that just birthed a human. 

 

12. Mascara and Blush: Self care is super important! Caring for a newborn is no joke but I still need to feel good about myself. A little bit of makeup goes a long way at making me feel like myself. 

13. Daily showers: See above. Self care is important!  After a long night of being awake feeding a hungry baby a shower makes me feel human.

14. Naps: Again. See above. Self care. I can't care for a baby without any sleep at all. 

15. Help: Ok, this one is key to numbers 13 and 14. Having my mom around has been amazing. She does dishes, makes food, does laundry, etc. She also holds the baby so I can shower and nap. It's nice when it's just me and the husband and the baby, but having other hands has also been great and so good for our recovery and entrance into this parenthood thing. 

Happy Birthday!

Little Baby H was born 10/28/17! 12:27pm, 8lb 7oz, 21.5 inches long. He's just the best baby 😍😍 



😍
I woke up at 5:30am Friday morning with contractions that were 5 min apart and lasted about a minute for over an hour. I thought "This is it! Baby is coming on his due date!" When my husband woke up for work I told him he should maybe stay home instead.
We kept tracking contractions throughout the day, but they didn't progress. Didn't get closer, didn't get more painful. I was so frustrated. I kept going for walks, even in the rain, and spent a lot of time bousing and rolling on my exercise ball hoping that would proress things, but nothing. I finally fell sleep around 1130, going in and out of sleep with contractions all night and woke up at 1:30am not able to go to sleep again. 

My contractions were worse, 2 minutes apart for over a minute. I woke my husband up after an hour and he called the dr who gave us the go ahead to go to the hospital! We left our house at 2:47am and arrived at the hospital at 3:05am. We got through registration painlessly, you know, because it was 3am and no one was there, and got to a triage room on the L&D floor. I was so afraid I wouldn't be dilated anymore than the 2 I had been for weeks, but my initial exam the dr said I was a 4.5-5cm, 80% effaced, -2 station so I got admitted! We were going to have a baby!

We got moved to a delivery room right away and settled in. Around 5:30 my dr gave us the option of breaking my water. I was unsure at first because I didnt want unnecessary interventions, but we went through with it because we wanted get this show on the road. The dr broke my water around 6:30am and dang those contractions really intensified! I had been doing ok with the contractions previously but very quickly they became very painful. I was unsure going in about an epidural but at 8am I asked for one and received: it around 8:45. It was only working on the right half and it took until about 9:45, and two boosters, before it worked all over, but when it did?? Omg I'm soo glad I got it. 

I was shaking so bad and threw up around 10am so the dr checked me and I was 7cm, 90%, -1.It was nice to know things were still heading in the right direction, and I was proud i lasted until 7cm for the epidural. I was able to fall sleep until about 11:30am and after 2 nights of very little, poor sleep, it felt so good! The dr came back around 11:45am, said I was complete and it was go time! Baby was born after about 45 min of pushing at 12:27pm. I had an episiotomy because I had a band of tissue that just wasn't stretching, but after they cut he popped out on the next push. Again, it was an intervention I didn't want (and of course, who DOES want that?!?!) but baby's heart rate was dropping quite a bit, and though the nurse and doctor tried not to act like it was a major emergency, both my husband and I could sense some urgency in them so we went ahead with it. It was worth it to get Baby out safely.

The moment of his birth was so surreal. All of a sudden there was a baby on my chest and I remember thinking 'oh my god that's a baby!' It seems like a weird thought after carrying the baby for 40 weeks, but that's what my crazy head did :) I had a wonderful birth experience. I really wouldn't change a single thing about it, and would love if my next was the same. I had a great delivery dr and nurse, and the rest of the staff was amazing as well. I will write a seperate update about the rest of our hospital stay when I get more time (caring for a newborn is no joke! Who knew?)

We are so thrilled and happy and in love with our new addition.

40 Week Update

I will be 40 weeks tomorrow and still no baby......

So much for 3 different doctors telling me since 36 weeks I'd be early......

I'm still about 2cm dilated and 70% effaced, so no major changes since last appointment. We scheduled an induction for next Thursday in case Baby doesn't show up on their own. I like having an end date. I'm very much a type B person, expect when it comes to schedules and punctuality. It has been driving me nuts to not know when this baby could show up! Maybe Baby is just waiting for their actual due date? You would think I was used to uncertainty and nothing going as planned at this point after going through fertility treatments, but nope, I still have very specific expectations and hate when they aren't met. And that's going to go over really well with a baby, right? #eyeroll #sarcasm


Pregnancy Week: 40 weeks
Cravings: None
Aversions: My appetite is pretty much back to normal and my food aversions are still the same. I don't even bother thinking about cooking chicken or most veggies anymore. 
Symptoms: A lot of crying and self pitying. I also have a verrryyyy weak bladder and wear liners now (pregnancy is so glamorous) (it's also very embarrassing and makes me cry even more). I also still have the contractions (no painful ones that make me think I'm in labor. Just tightness), cramping, and tiredness.
Weight Gain: 15lbs! Finally!
Emotional Breakdowns: About a million.
Achievements: Scheduling an induction.

I am a giraffe.

39+3

I was awake at 2:30am this morning crying because I haven't had this baby yet #hormotional

39 Week Update

Still here. Still pregnant. Still waiting.

I'm 2cm dilated and 70% effaced, which is no change from last week, but the dr said it's still good progress. If they do have to induce me it shouldn't be as hard and would potentially just start me on pitocin instead of having to get cervadil first. If I make it to my appointment next week then we will schedule an induction for 41 weeks just in case (I'm hoping I don't make it passed the weekend).  Baby is getting even lower and the Dr. seemed surprised I was still walking 30-45 minutes every day with how low they are! In the last day or two I've noticed a lot more contractions, especially between last evening and now. I hadn't been timing them because they aren't painful at all, but I'm beginning to think maybe I should. Other than that it's still same old same old! Waiting waiting waiting....

Pregnancy Week: 39 weeks
Cravings: None
Aversions: I've had more of an appetite the last few weeks, I think because baby has dropped so I have some more room in my stomach these days. 
Symptoms: Cramping, contractions, tiredness.
Weight Gain: 13.9 lbs.Stomach measuring 36cm, up from 34 last week.
Emotional Breakdowns: Quite a few. I sobbed for an hour last week while watching Dancing With the Stars, plus a few other crying moments. 
Achievements: We're all set and ready for this baby! We're just waiting to meet them!!

Every time I've called someone in the last week.

37 Week Update

Today is 37+3. At our 37 week appointment last week I was 1.5 cm dilated, 70% effaced. The dr said it was good progress and if I do end up needing to be induced it should make things a bit easier since I'm 'ripe' (hubs and I both giggled at that because we're very mature adults).

I've been having menstrual like cramps every day and contractions some days. I also have been getting this leg pain for about 2 weeks now randomly. It's in the inside upper thigh, almost groin area and feels almost like a charley horse. It makes my whole leg buckle and is very painful. The internet tells me it is baby pressing on a nerve. I forgot to bring it up to my dr last appointment but it has happened quite a bit more lately so it's on my list for this next appointment.

I'm still not gaining weight like I should. At 37 week appointment I had lost weight, about a pound. I think the dr. thinks I have an eating disorder so that's really great. I still haven't made it to gaining 15 lbs. He sent us for a growth scan again and baby is measuring right on track according to the ultrasound tech. She said baby's estimated weight is 6lbs 8 oz so nice and healthy!

I hit a new milestone. I had made it this far with only having to wake up once to pee at night but this past week I started having to get up twice most nights. Whomp whomp. Luckily I fall right back asleep but it still sucks having to get up when you're nice and cozy. 

I'm hoping to make it another week and a half to 2 weeks, and no more than that. But whenever baby decides to come we have the nursery all set and decorated finally! We are going to install the car seat tomorrow and besides my husband's hospital bag we are set set set!

Due Date Month!!!

Also this:

36 Week Update!

Holy Moly I'm entering my last month of pregnancy!! I am so ready to be done. I haven't had a difficult pregnancy by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm over it and ready to meet this baby.

We had our 36 week appointment today. I had a swab for Group B Strep and the Dr. did a cervical exam. I'm 1 cm dilated and 70% effaced which he said is good progress. He thinks I'll be a week or two early. I'm hoping for one week (We have an agreement, Baby...only one week!); anywhere between one week early and my due date is ok with me!

I've been having some cramping and contractions as well. I started noticing some cramping two weeks ago, but it was so faint and dull, kind of like oh maybe I'll get my period in the next week or so. And if I hadn't been sitting down on the sofa I don't know if I would have noticed at all. I had been thinking I had a few contractions previously as well, but was sure. The past few days though I've been able to definitively say yes these are contractions! Definitely not true labor because they stop, not get stronger and closer together, but it's been several times a day. I've also had the cramping again but stronger and noticeable.

This appointment and hearing what I'm measuring as well as the contractions and cramping really made things so real all of a sudden. Like, yeah I know I'm pregnant, duh. But omg this baby really is coming soon! We've been wishing and hoping and struggling and working towards this moment for almost 3 years now and it's just about here. I feel like the pain of infertility has been pushed to a far back corner of my mind. I'm so excited for this baby (and definitely slightly terrified about bringing a newborn home...I've never cared for a baby before....).

Pregnancy Week: 36 weeks
Cravings: None
Aversions: Same as always, but my appetite has picked up a little bit which is nice.
Symptoms: I've started having some cramping and contractions. And I'm back to being tired.
Weight Gain: 13.2 pounds.
Emotional Breakdowns: 0
Achievements: The nursery is just about finished. I used our completion discounts at Target and Amazon to pick up the last few things I think we need. Everything from Target should delivered today! We completed a breastfeeding class (which was very good) and a baby care class (which was absolutely terrible).

32 Week Update

Today marks 32 weeks!!

This is the last milestone I have in my crazy head. Hitting 32 weeks means I get to go to my hospital of choice: My doctor's office is affiliated with a hospital system that has a few in my area. The one closest to me is the reason I specifically chose this OBGYN practice 4 years ago. It's the hospital I knew I wanted to deliver at. The other hospital is a little farther away and is an area I don't like, but it has a higher level NICU. It's the practice's policy if you go into labor before 32 weeks you go to this other hospital. Now I've reached that magic number of 32!

About a month ago I was at a wedding shower and another woman was pregnant, 36 weeks. Something she said really struck me and made me think how different my mind set is after going through treatments than a 'regular' woman's mind set is. She said once they hit 37 weeks she'd breathe a huge sigh of relief because she would be considered full term. In my head I haven't even been concerned with reaching full term! I was so concerned with the 24 week milestone and then the 28 week milestone that once we reached those in my head I was thinking 'SUCCESS!' While we haven't dealt with recurrent miscarriage or late term loss (we had one chemical pregnancy), going through fertility treatments has given me the mindset that anything can go wrong at any moment and each moment, each day, each week is so important and precious for this little baby growing. While I don't want this little one to be preterm I know at this point they will be in such good hands and they will have such a good chance of coming home with us.

Anyways. We had our 32 week appointment yesterday and everything is looking good. We had an additional ultrasound to check baby's growth because of my weight issues. I'm up 12.8 lbs overall, but baby is measuring perfectly at 4lbs 6oz - 57th percentile <3. I can't believe we only have max 9 weeks (My dr will only let me get to 41 weeks before induction) before meeting this little one! Time seemed to go fast and then it really dragged on, and now it's flying!!

Pregnancy Week: 32 weeks,
Cravings: None
Aversions: Same as always, those yesterday I actually had a pretty full appetite which was exciting.
Birthdays had this week: 1
Symptoms: Not as tired. I think I got the 2nd trimester energy kick a little late...Some heartburn but not bad this week. Peeing all the time. yesterday I peed, changed to go for a walk, peed again, and then 40 minutes later was practically running home to pee again. 3 times in an hour. COME ON.
Weight Gain: 12.8 pounds.
Emotional Breakdowns: 0
Achievements: We got the crib mattress and I washed baby clothes and sheets and towels and things. I also signed us up for a breastfeeding class. I had to get my desk raised up at work to fit this growing stomach.

31 Week Update

We've hit 31 weeks! We had a follow up appointment last week about my weight gain. At the time of my appointment I was only up 11 pounds. I have another appointment next week with an ultrasound to check baby's growth. The dr didn't seem too alarmed. He said if I gain a pound a week until delivery I'll hit about 20 which would still be good. But a week later, as of this morning I've only gained 0.2 pounds. So things aren't looking up in that department.
I feel like when I talk about this with other people they brush it off, or act like I'm lucky or won the lottery. Because what girl WANTS to gain weight, right? With all we've been through for this baby I am trying to do the best I possibly can to give them the best start in life. That's my job as mom/baby grower. Not gaining enough weight is just as bad as gaining too much weight, but it seems like most people don't see it like that and it's upsetting. I'm so afraid I'm doing something wrong and hurting this poor little one.
The good thing is that my stomach is definitely growing. Each day I feel like I have to sit further and further away from my desk at work. And Baby is very active! Moving around like a ping pong ball. They really like to stick little body parts under my rib cage and to kick my left ovary.

Pregnancy Week: 31 weeks, third trimester.
Cravings: None
Aversions: Same as always.
Symptoms: Extra tired. Heartburn has really started kicking in. Also still a very small appetite (i had half a dunkin donut this morning and was full. I used to want two at a time!). I've started drinking smoothies to help gain weight. Plain greek yogurt, avocado, whole milk, some fruit juice, frozen berries, fresh banana, spinach.
Weight Gain: 11.2 pounds.
Emotional Breakdowns:Two. The past few days I've felt overly emotional. I cried in the shower thinking about Baby and my weight and if I'm hurting them :( I also cried in an Old Navy dressing room because the jean jacket I tried on looked terrible and my hairstylist fucked up and I think my haircut looks like The Rachael from Friends.
Achievements:We have all the large pieces of the nursery set up! Glider, crib, dresser, rug. Next on my to-do list is to tackle the closet and get the decorative pieces hung.
I also got my T-Dap and Flu vaccines!

So much grunting. When I sit, when I stand, when I bend over. Basically always.

Third Trimester!

I am 28 weeks today and it's the first day of the third trimester!! How did I get here!?! I'm so excited, but d-day still seems so far away (84 days to be exact).

We had our 28 week appointment and glucose test on Monday. I lost weight between the 24 week and 28 week appointment so I have to go back in 2 weeks instead of 4 to monitor. My fundal height is finally measuring on track at 28 cm instead of being 3 weeks ahead like at my last two appointments.
The glucose test wasn't bad at all. My doctor recommended fasting (not required) saying they tend to see more people pass who have fasted beforehand. That was the worst part of the whole test. It seems like the whole of the internet thinks the drink is the most terrible thing to pass their lips. I thought it just tasted like orange soda. Our dr was very on time that day so we waited for about 45 minutes in the waiting room before my blood draw. They took 5 tubes of blood and sent us on our way. I was starving by this point so I mobile ordered a bagel from Dunkin Donuts and of course they lost my order receipt and I had to wait 10 minutes for them to figure out what was going on and get my my food. Note to Dunkin: Don't make the fasting pregnant lady wait. She's hungry :)

I got my results on Thursday and passed with a 127 with a cutoff of 135. Woo!! Milkshakes here I come!

Baby has been kicking me in my left ovary lately which is really pleasant, let me tell you. These ovaries have taken enough torture the last few years Baby! Try kicking something else for a little while please!

We are still working on getting the baby's room together. I might take a trip to Ikea this weekend, but I hate crowds so much so I'm trying to find the best time to go, which would of course be weeknights but then I just really love sitting on my sofa after work. I feel like we have so much to do and no time to do it. My always lengthening list of things to do:

• Put together the crib
• Select and purchase a chair for the nursery (rocker or glider??)
• Keep stocking up on diapers and wipes (I put a box of 900 wipes on our registry. I then looked up how long it should last. One month says internet moms. ONE month. Holy cow.)
• Organize the dresser
• Organize the closet
• Continue packing the hospital bags. I can check toiletries off the list. I saw people saying they didn't pack those until they were actually in labor because it was things they used everyday, but I just bought travel-sized items. I just want to be packed and not have to worry.
• Buy a chest freezer for breast milk and frozen meals
• Make frozen meals
• Figure out how breast pumping works

Pregnancy Week: 28 weeks
Cravings: None
Aversions: Chicken. Like always.
Symptoms: Still have a small appetite. Maybe I need to start drinking Boost.
Weight Gain: 12 lbs.Currently at 10 total.
Emotional Breakdowns:One, but it was because I hate my haircut. The stylist cut off 2.5 inches more than I asked.
Achievements: Reached the 3rd Trimester!